


without you

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [54]
Category: EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Byun Baekhyun is Bad at Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-01-15 00:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18487858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are fed up trying to find love on their own. Baekhyun comes up with the idea to start a relationship with each other since they both find each other somewhat attractive and know they are getting along. However, they rapidly discover there is no romance or chemistry between them.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write something fun and lighthearted
> 
> hope you'll enjoy:)

_**-Prologue-** _

 

 

The pen slipped between his fingers, scratching the side of his cheek. Baekhyun groaned and opened his eyes; for a couple of seconds, he only blinked, at an unbeatable pace for another human being. He glanced down. There were teeth marks all over the pen, beginning from the top to the tip. He sighed, leaning over to pick it up.

But instead of the bright pink pen, he saw a pair of black shoes, covered in mud. He looked up.

“Move.”

It wasn’t much of a command, but Baekhyun had learned to know its meaning. The exact intonation, the speed at which the words were being said. It meant “I’m having the worst day that a human being could have on this freaking planet, so move the fuck before I punch you in the nuts”.

So he slipped to the edge of the bench, which was not long by any means. Just enough for two people.

“We could go buy some donuts if you want,” Baekhyun said.

“You know that guy that I was supposed to meet today?”

“Yeah…?”

He couldn’t. There were at least three guys that could mean ‘that guy’ in his mind. But it didn’t matter. “That guy” was only a synonym for “that failure”.

“Well, he bailed on me and then texted that he got back with his ex, the love of his life. That’s what he fucking wrote. Who does that? The other day he was just telling me how free and happy he feels without that scum.”

“Maybe the dick is good,” Baekhyun laughed.

“Not funny.”

“I know…” he sighed, patting the other’s back. “Donuts? They make everything better.”

“I’m on a no sweets diet.”

“Uhm…then you give me no choice, Kyungsoo.”

He kept a straight face, staring right into his eyes. One by one, the straight-lined lips were turning into full arches. Baekhyun was the first to burst into laughter, followed by Kyungsoo, who placed a hand over his mouth.

“It’s a library. And I need to still study here, you know,” he whispered.

“Sorry…” Baekhyun mumbled.

“Damn…you licked my palm.”

“Sorry…if you’d be so kind to fucking remove it, then I wouldn’t lick it.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. He was rubbing his hand on the pants, over and over, until it was fully covered in black lint.

“See? You didn’t die.”

“You are disgusting sometimes.”

“If it were ‘that guy’, you’d let him lick your palm and even have an orgasm about it.”

“Shut up!” Kyungsoo said, gritting his teeth with such a force that they made a screeching sound. “There are people…around.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Why are you so pissed all of a sudden?”

“Cause you act like such a prude, but in reality, you are a kinky shit.”

“I’m not…kinky,” Kyungsoo whispered, looking around.

Baekhyun had no reason to believe that Kyungsoo was in the slightest, most remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with no communication means-way kinky. But sometimes he liked to believe that if it were to just see the other’s expression; the bulging of the eyes, big enough without any exterior influences, the tapping of the right foot and the beginning of a tomato red hue all over his cheeks. Kyungsoo couldn’t be kinky, not in the slightest.

“So…what do you want to do? I’m free the whooole afternoon.”

“Weren’t you talking to that guy on Tinder?”

“Oh…that…guy,” Baekhyun said. “We weren’t that compatible anyway.”

“Are we just two lonely guys that cannot find love?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I’m not really trying to find love but…yeah, we are lonely.”

“Great…”

Baekhyun sighed, again, staring at the ceiling. But the lights were too bright, so he looked once again at the other.

“Great minds are not meant for love. They must find it in-“

“Oh, shut up,” Kyungsoo said.

“What?!”

“I’m not a genius to have an excuse. I can barely pass my Math course.”

“What I was trying to say is that…maybe we are just meant to have each other. Bros. Bros for life. Let’s drink each other’s blood and then-“

“Gross, would you stop?”

“I was thinking about “Winnetou”, don’t be like this,” Baekhyun said. “They did that in the book.”

“I assume they also had girlfriends in the book.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

The library was crowded. More so than usual. But the usual didn’t really mean back to back exams, so he could see why post-pubescent guys and girls were gathered at round tables; laptops and all the possible books opened in front of them.

“Let’s go for a smoke,” Baekhyun said.

Baekhyun knew, without anyone else telling him, that he was stupid about smoking. And it wasn’t because he couldn’t stop. But he enjoyed the feeling or at least being part of a bigger group. Having someone to chat with, only on the basis that they were both smokers. Kyungsoo wasn’t. His very mathematic brain could not see why one would put his health in danger to smoke.

The library yard was crowded by other smokers, not really wanting to study, but not wanting to stay home and feel even worse about it. So they were all in the yard.

“You should stop it.”

“When I’ll get older and I’ll have kids,” Baekhyun said.

“You are stupid.”

“I’m an artist.”

“A stupid artist then.”

“Oh, really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Really…I think I have an idea!” he said, jumping around.

“What…?” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Not with that expression on your face.”

“There’s no expression, just say.”

“I think…that we should….DATE!”

Kyungsoo remained mouth open, arm in the air, eyes getting bigger and bigger. And then the arm fell next to his body and his mouth closed, but the eyes remained like two golf balls.

“Date…like in-“

“Dating, the act when people are trying to be in a relationship with each other that would ultimately end in a marriage. Date.”

“Date.”

“Come on, you’ve known me since forever. 14 years, dude,” Baekhyun said. “It’s a piece of cake. We have almost everything sorted. You know every single detail of my life, I know every single one of yours, we both know each other’s families, we trust each other; we get along. I think you are not that bad looking either soo…”

“Soo…”

“Date me,” Baekhyun grinned.

“Date…you?”

“Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe? Best friends do fall in love sometimes.”

“But we are not…in love,” Kyungsoo said.

“We’ll be after we’ve been dating for a while. I’m a great catch. Trust me.”

“That’s why you are single. You are not that great of a catch.”

“You’ve been dumped before anything actually happened. So…”

“So I should just date you.”

“Yes. Don’t you think that I’m attractive?” Baekhyun asked, stepping closer to him.

“Stay where you are. Not repulsive.”

“Oh, come on. I’m an average looking 21-year-old. So are you. Stop pretending that you need a 6 feet tall model with perfect abs and a porn star dick.”

“I…”

“Just for shits and giggles, then. Come on, it could be fun.”

“What…could be fun?”

“The sex?” Baekhyun asked. “The blowjobs, handjobs, you name them.”

“Baek…”

“If it’s shitty, we drop it and go back to our single selves. But it’s worth a try. What do you say?”

Kyungsoo sighed, looking around. That meant a masked “no”. But at that moment, Baekhyun couldn’t take a no. And not because he was desperately in love with Kyungsoo, or because his heart was beating too fast. But because his pride was on the line, and for one week, it had been crushed far too much. So he needed one damn victory.

“Fine.”

“I knew it!” he shouted.

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo whispered.

“So…boyfriend,” Baekhyun winked, “what do you want to do this afternoon?”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly feel that i write the darker fics much better than the funny ones. anyways, i do really enjoy making this one so it's fine by me.
> 
> hope you'll enjoy:)

Baekhyun groaned, shifting on the bed. His fingers grabbed at the sheets-drenched in sweat, pulling them as his arms moved above his head. Hot, that’s how his entire body was, even though the beddings were cold and the window was wide open.

He groaned again, louder, spreading his legs on the mattress. The bed squeaked. Baekhyun pressed down, against the pillow and opened his eyes.

The door creaked, like a broken water jet.

“What the actual fuck are you doing?!”

Actually, that was not how the first day of their relationship was supposed to be going. Baekhyun had other ideas in mind, brighter, verging even on romantic at times, fogged up maybe by the constant thoughts about foods like chips and pizza. But in the grand scheme of things, he expected everything to turn…differently.

Therefore, there is a much needed ‘drive’ to the past of a couple of hours, from which everything had stemmed.

“Do you want us to take it slow?”

“What does…taking it slow mean to you?” Kyungsoo asked, looking at him.

“No sex or sex?”

“You are…I can’t believe I am friends with you. Are you sure you don’t have some form of sexual repression or…maybe, are you a nymphomaniac?”

“Just because I think about sex from time to time does not mean I come from a Lars von Trier movie,” Baekhyun said.

He stopped, in front of the door to the apartment in search of his keys.

“I have them,” Kyungsoo sighed.

“You are not romantic at all.”

“Should I be when it’s the tenth time you can’t find some damn keys? Buy a fanny pack or something.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he crossed the arms over his chest. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut. That had always been the final conclusion, late at night, whenever his brain would decide to rummage through the most embarrassing moments of his entire life. And he was certain that asking Kyungsoo to date him was one of them.

Because, even though lying to oneself and pretending everything was alright was a solution, that was not erasing the fact that Kyungsoo’s romantic feelings for him were as big as his grades. Which weren’t big.

“Come on in, princess,” Kyungsoo huffed, pushing him inside.

“So no sex, huh?”

“Would you stop with that?!”

“Sex is a normal thing between two human beings who-“

“Love each other!” Kyungsoo shouted.

“You would’ve had sex with that guy on Tinder who you didn’t even love. You were only interested in his fucking dick and six-pack. I saw the dick pic so don’t deny it. You like big cocks,” Baekhyun said, feeling his cheeks heat up with each and every word added.

“You went through my phone?”

“You left it on the table, unlocked. And the dude sent you the fucking dick pic. A dick pic!! And you call me a nymphomaniac?! Hypocrite,” Baekhyun said and walked inside his room.

The door was slammed closed. He sat down, on the bed. No, that was one of those moments his brain would like to think about at 3 at night.

Kyungsoo didn’t even knock on the door or ask him if he was alright. He knew he wouldn’t, but he was still hopeful, considering they were still boyfriends.

And that’s how, at 12 at night, Kyungsoo walked inside his room to find him half-naked on the bed, groaning and moving around.

“Are you…okay?”

“Fine…” he whispered, looking around the room.

“Baek…”

“Just a stupid dream. I thought again there was an earthquake…”

Kyungsoo sighed, sitting down on the bed next to him. “I’m a terrible boyfriend, am I not?”

“Are we still boyfriends?” Baekhyun whispered.

“Yeah…if you want to…”

“Okay…can you sleep here? I might panic again because of…”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Sorry about the…”

“I know…I’m sorry about calling you a nymphomaniac.”

Baekhyun laughed, rubbing both of his eyes.

“You didn’t really call me a nymphomaniac.”

“I did that in my head,” he whispered.

Kyungsoo sat down on the bed, pulling the sheets over himself. There was a moment of silence, when none of them didn’t even breathe until Baekhyun turned on the other side. In fact, his first reaction would have been to shift closer to him. No. Even place the head on his shoulder, have his arm right across his middle, keeping him into place. But it was Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo had never liked touchiness, not the one coming from him anyway.

So he shoved the nose into the pillow, dragging the covers even higher onto his body as if to mask his embarrassment.

“Night…”

“Night…” Baekhyun whispered.

Maybe he even would have liked for Kyungsoo to break the ice and get closer to him. But of course, he didn’t. Sleeping in the same bed was better than nothing.

When he woke up in the morning, he was not that surprised seeing the other sleep on the edge of the bed, covered with a different blanket.

“Morning...”

“You pulled the covers last night…” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Sorry…I’m not used with sleeping with people.”

“Yeah…I can tell.”

Baekhyun groaned, standing up. He scratched a spot on his back, as his t-shirt rode up on his abdomen, leaving his thin hairs around his belly rise in protest. His skin was getting goosebumps, and not the good kind of goosebumps.

“So…tomorrow, are you coming tomorrow to my piano recital? Actually…I’m also singing with the university orchestra and…I could need some support,” Baekhyun said, looking at him.

“Sure, I promised, didn’t I?”

“I guess,” he shrugged.

“Baek…what’s on your mind?” Kyungsoo asked.

He stretched on the bed, yawning. Baekhyun shrugged again, leaning on the closet door that screeched.

“Nothing. Are you coming as my…boyfriend or…best-friend?”

“Both?”

“We aren’t really together, are we? Nothing is different, maybe only this freaking awkward air that I could cut with a knife if I had one right now.”

Kyungsoo sighed and punched the pillow next to him.

“Of course it’s awkward. Because you must a freaking genius and suggest that we should date when-when…I’ve never even seen you naked these 14 years. Not even once. Of course it’s awkward.”

“Do you want to see me naked?!” Baekhyun asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not now, please.”

“Fine. I wasn’t going to, babe.”

“Stop with that,” Kyungsoo groaned.

“With….what?”

“Acting like that. And don’t call me babe. It’s cheesy.”

“Alright, honey bear.”

“Dear God,” Kyungsoo mumbled and threw the pillow on the floor.

“Watch out, that’s mine,” Baekhyun shouted, running towards the bed before he fell like a rock right over the other.

Kyungsoo pushed him over, shoving his elbows into his sides, as Baekhyun started tickling him around his rib cage and neck.

“I…give…up,” he breathed out. “Stop…that.”

“I knew it!” Baekhyun grinned. “Honey bear…”

“Stop with that freaking nonsense, idiot!”

“Then what should I call you?”

“On my name. That’s why I have one,” Kyungsoo said and pushed Baekhyun aside.

“Fine. Do Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun wanted to kiss him. He couldn’t lie. That had been on his mind since the day before: how would it feel to have Kyungsoo’s lips right on his own. Good? Bad? He wasn’t sure, not when Kyungsoo was acting like how he usually would.

So kissing didn’t even seem like an option.

When would he initiate it? During breakfast or when making coffee, sliding next to him, closer and closer, until their faces would only be inches away. But that would be awkward, much too awkward. Then simply state that he would like to suck face with him to see whether that would be something that they could do?

Baekhyun sighed, watching Kyungsoo turn on the coffee machine.

“What?”

“Nothing…”

“Honestly?”

“I was thinking about kissing you. Happy?”

“Kissing me?”

“Why is this notion so alien to you? Boyfriends…kiss.”

“Of course they do, but I was thinking that we should wait a little, you know. Not jump right into it,” Kyungsoo said.

“Okay…yeah, fine. Whatever. I’m not that eager, anyways.”

“Yes, you are,” he laughed.

“I am totally not eager to feel those-those puffy things on my face, honestly. They surely feel…too puffy,” Baekhyun said.

“The last guy I’ve been with said that my lips and ass are my best assets…so.”

“I think your brain is your best asset so…” Baekhyun said.

“Really? Or are you just saying that to get under my skin?” he laughed.

“To get under your skin.”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure whether or not he liked the new dynamic between him and Kyungsoo. There wasn’t much changed, but then again, what could change so drastically? Maybe the amount of information he would still be eager to tell the other. Because surely, the new boyfriend Kyungsoo wouldn’t want to know about that hot dude in his orchestra. Best-friend Kyungsoo would make fun of him and find the dude on Facebook. But what if boyfriend-soo would do the same exact thing? Then what would it mean?

Baekhyun felt like smashing his head on something. Hard.

Because then there was also the problem of telling or not telling that he had a boyfriend. His best friend as a boyfriend. That would also imply overlooking their little library agreement.

“You should really dust that piano.”

“I’m not the only one playing it.”

“You play it the most.”

The room was crowded. That’s how it had always been the day before a show, the last main rehearsal before they would go up on stage and sing their fingers out.

His, almost his, piano was standing on the edge of the room. Maybe it was little too dusty; the black almost looked grey. But he liked it just that way; he had always thought it gave it some personality. Or weight.

“I might…when I have time,” he shrugged.

“You lazy asshole,” the other laughed.

“Jongdae!”

“What? It looks like it was dragged from a haunted house or something. At least my violin is clean and proper. Unlike you, I take care of shit. Like relationships too,” he raised both eyebrows at which Baekhyun kicked him twice in the ribs until Jongdae took a couple of steps back, bumping into another student.

“Watch out, walnut head.”

“Always so welcoming, Irene.”

“Only for you,” she said, smirking. “How’s with tinder, Baek?”

“Good. Fine. Why?”

“Just asking,” Irene shrugged.

“If you want to know…” Baekhyun said, looking around.

He knew it was a bad idea. Terrible one. Irene and Jongdae knew Kyungsoo too, as a matter of fact, they all knew each other for far too many years. So it was even worse than terrible.

“But I’m dating someone. He’ll come at the show tomorrow,” he said.

“Liar,” Jongdae laughed.

“I believe him,” Irene said, crossing the arms over her chest.

“Why?”

“Because…he got all blushed up and sweaty. See? He’s cracking his knuckles. Who’s the lucky dude?”

“You don’t know him,” Baekhyun said.

His throat was dry, too dry so that the words were half words. Even his fingers were clammy and shaky.  That was the worst of things that he could have said.

“A pic?” Irene raised an eyebrow.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Hello, everybody! Please take your seats, because today we have a lot to do and there’s no time to lose,” the man that entered the room said.

Baekhyun couldn’t say he liked the orchestra coordinator. He had taught a couple of his first-year classes, and that didn’t make him like the man even the slightest bit more. In his ironed shirts and pants, and always styled hair, he looked more like a fashion model than a teacher. To make matters worse, he was the best piano player that Baekhyun had seen in his entire life.

Maybe the piano was a little too dusty. He blew the white, fluffy particles from the keys, watching them fly through the air, right in front of his nose. Baekhyun sneezed. Once. Twice.

“Baekhyun.”

“Yes, Mr. Junmyeon?”

“Your instrument is an extension of your body. It’s part of who you are as an individual. And your extension…” he said, gliding his finger across the not so shiny surface, “it’s….grim. And dirty and rather disgusting. Why would you expect that a critic tomorrow would appreciate your art when…you can’t even take care of your instrument?”

“I’ll…wash it today…after rehearsal,” he whispered.

Everyone was watching, he knew that. He also knew that Kim Junmyeon didn’t like him either. There didn’t seem to be a particular reason. Maybe their auras weren’t connecting or some other astrological bullshit. But they couldn’t get along.

“Good.”

Baekhyun breathed out when the man walked away, towards another student. He glanced at Jongdae, who was still laughing while Irene was throwing him looks underneath her long, fake eyelashes.

At 9 at night, he was still in the orchestra room, cleaning with a wet wipe the piano. He was going through the second packet of wipes, all scattered on the floor. Something else that he needed to clean.

“You are an idiot.”

“Hey…I thought that you left.”

“Stayed to rehearse some more,” Irene said, sitting down crossed legged next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Today I played the worst in weeks. I was supposed to do the parts perfectly. At the end, he didn’t even say anything about it. Like…”

“You are stressed,” Irene said, patting his shoulder.

“You are stressed too.”

“Heey….you’ll do great tomorrow.”

“I won’t.”

“Baek…” she sighed. “Stop putting yourself down. It’s just one damn dusty piano, not your entire existence or something. They should clean it from time to time too.”

“Whatever…” he whispered, lying down on the floor.

It was cold and hard, and maybe it only looked good in movies. So he stood back up, pacing around the room with the hands on his hips.

“I’ll do fine, right?”

“Yup, totally. Plus, your boyfriend is going to be there,” she laughed. “Impress him.”

Kyungsoo was not easy to impress. Actually, Baekhyun couldn’t remember any time that he had been impressed by something. Only by a dick, sent on Tinder. But that had been the only thought that had floated through his mind on his way back home, to their shared apartment.

“Stop thinking about that…” he whispered. “My dick is just fine. He’ll have to deal with it…” he whispered, opening the door. He took a breath in, throwing his backpack down before he shouted: “Hi, honey bear!”

“Stop with that!” Kyungsoo yelled.

“Yes, sugar puff.”

“Baek, I’m not kidding. Stop with the idiotic nicknames. Are you 5?”

He was in the kitchen, bent over a big pot of something boiling and bubbling. The windows were all fogged up.

“Today…was shit.”

“Why?”

Baekhyun shrugged.

“You’ll laugh.”

“Try me. Worse than a project on engines due in 2 weeks? I’m supposed to make a miniature engine for some shit.”

“Okay, not that bad. At least I can sort of play the piano.”

“Sort of…” Kyungsoo laughed.

“Don’t put salt on the wound. You’re still coming, right?”

“Yup. I gave my word.”

“Good. I’ll need your holy presence in the audience,” Baekhyun said.

He sat down at the table, placing his head on the palms of the hands.

“I’m making some sort of soup.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…you hungry?”

“Not really…mostly stressed. I could shit my pants.”

“Not in my kitchen,” Kyungsoo said, looking at him.

“Then I’ll go to my bedroom and cry myself to sleep while listening again to the part I’ll have to perfectly play tomorrow.”

“Heeey…” Kyungsoo said, walking after him. “Don’t be like this…”

“Like what?”

“We were supposed to be dating.”

“Well…right now I couldn’t care less about that,” Baekhyun shrugged. “Sorry. I really need to just sleep and stop thinking altogether.”

Kyungsoo sighed, shaking his head.

“Fine. See you in the morning.”

“Okay…”

The morning was even worse than the night. Doom felt so near that he couldn’t even find the power to get out of bed. It was Saturday, but it seemed like the most hellish day that could possibly be. It was much too quiet in the apartment.

Then, Baekhyun remembered everything that he had said the night before, feeling everything just crumble all over him. He stood up from the bed, opened the door and ran towards Kyungsoo’s bedroom. He stepped inside without even knocking.

“Morning to you too?” Kyungsoo laughed.

Of course, he was awake, folding laundry. That was the most Kyungsoo-esque thing that he could do on a Saturday. Folding clothes that smelled like “mountain breeze”-whatever a mountain breeze would smell like.

“I didn’t mean anything that I said last night. Really. I was just tired.”

“I know…” Kyungsoo laughed. “If I were to believe everything you say whenever you are tired and anxious, then we wouldn’t be friends right now.”

“Oh…okay.”

“So it’s fine. I’m not mad. Yet.”

“Yet…?”

“Help me fold your shit too.”

“Oh, thanks,” Baekhyun grinned.

“I should be paid.”

“What do you say about…a kiss?” he asked.

“I might be selling myself too cheap then.”

“Two…kisses? Not…kisses?”

“Two are fine. One now and the other later.”

“Oh…” Baekhyun whispered.

Maybe he hadn’t thought that far, at the actual moment when he would have to kiss Kyungsoo-not an imaginary one, but the real one, standing right next to him. His lips were really puffy that morning, pink and full.

“What are you waiting for…?”

“Are you actually serious or do you just want to test me?”

“I’m dead serious,” Kyungsoo said.

“Oh…well…I haven’t kissed someone in quite a while, so I’m rather rusty.”

“Don’t waste the time…kiss me or not.”

“Okay.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes. Not focusing on his face seemed like the best of ideas. So he closed them, took a deep breath in and leaned forwards. Maybe he should have kept them open because, instead of feeling those puffy lips on his, he felt Kyungsoo’s nose smashing right into his own. Hard.

“Damn it. Have you actually kissed someone?”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you-“

“I don’t know. You make me anxious because you act like I’m supposed to perform like-like-“

“You know what? I don’t want you to kiss me.”

“FINE.”

Baekhyun was just about to stand up when Kyungsoo grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward, until their chests almost bumped into each other. It was Kyungsoo who kissed him first, not with much pressure or trying to take control over him. But his lips were as soft as they could be, right on his.

He was the first to pull back.

“You didn’t like it…?” Kyungsoo whispered.

“It was alright.”

He didn’t want to say alright, but somehow, that’s the only thing that came out of his mind. Alright. It was much more than alright, and he knew it just as well as how many times he was repeating the word in his mind.

“Oh…then that’s alright.”

No, it wasn’t, but Baekhyun was short for words. Why had he thought that it would be easy dating his best friend?

“Yeah…uhm, I should go shower and eat something,” Baekhyun said.

“Uhm…sure. I’ll finish folding the laundry.”

He wanted to bang his head on a wall or anything that would inflict the littlest bit of pain. But he didn’t, because, among other body parts, he needed that brain for the evening.

So he only stayed for longer in the shower, with water that turned his skin bright red pouring all over him.

Then came the evening. Which turned out to be sweatier, ruddier and clammier than the morning itself. The lights were on him-well, actually, on the other 20 people in the orchestra and the coordinator, but somehow, the lights were beaming hotter right on his forehead. Sweat was trickling down, staining the edges of his white, freshly ironed shirt.

Kyungsoo was somewhere in the public. It didn’t even matter because the only 2 things, no 3, that he could see where the keys, the musical sheets, and Mr. Junmyeon.

And it all ended, faster than it started. He wasn’t sure what or how he played, only that people were clapping and those goddam lights were finally off his reddened face. He sighed, standing up.

“Good job!” Jongdae said, patting his shoulder. “You look like shit.”

“I’m going to puke…” he whispered, placing both hands over his mouth.

But it was too late. The hot, burning liquid was gathering right in his mouth, so much that his cheeks were puffed up like the ones of a squirrel.

He bent down and let it all flow out, right on the floor, on Jongdae’s and his shoes.

“Oh, damn it, you idiot!” Irene said, crouching next to him. “Get a janitor to clean this mess. Good, it’s backstage.”

“I feel like crap…” he mumbled, looking at her.

“I know…calm down. I’ll get you some water.”

He didn’t really want Irene to leave him alone in there, himself and the vomit staring back at him. But he didn’t remain on his own for much longer.

“What happened?”

“I puked my guts out a little. Surprise,” he said, standing up. “Sorry for the welcoming…show. It wasn’t really planned.”

“Baek…” Kyungsoo said, stepping towards him. “You did amazing.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah…and everybody else. You are really good,” Kyungsoo smiled, placing an arm around his middle.

That was new, not something he was accustomed to. They had never been the touchy type of friends, even though they had both known about their open gayness. It had never been something any of them had wanted to try.

Until that point, when Kyungsoo was sitting so close to him that he could smell his cologne and feel how warm he really was. He liked it.

Kyungsoo started moving his fingers, gliding them in circles until Irene came, holding a water bottle. His arm fell, to the side of his body.

He felt disappointed, betrayed even.

“Here. You look a little better,” she said.

“Thanks.”

“I should be going, though…Jongin doesn’t like when I’m making him wait.”

“Oh, you should screw that moron,” Baekhyun said. “Sorry, I know he’s your friend,” he continued, looking at Kyungsoo. “But he’s the worst kind of boyfriend.”

“He’s getting better at it,” Irene smiled, brushing the bangs out of her eyes. “He’s a good guy…”

“Not to you…” he huffed.

“Let’s get you home,” Kyungsoo said, placing again that arm around his middle.

“Uhm…are you-never mind,” Irene said and coughed. “See you on Monday.”

Kyungsoo laughed, looking once again at the other.

“What?!”

“I think she figured it out that we are together.”

“She couldn’t have…”

“I have my arm around your middle.”

“That’s something friends do from time to time.”

“We’ve never done that.”

“Okay…so she knows…”

“What does Irene know?” Jongdae asked, grinning. “Do you have a little secret?”

“Yeah, we fuck in our spare time,” Baekhyun said.

Jongdae burst into laughter, dropping the mop on the floor. “That was a good joke.”

“Anyway, we are heading home,” Kyungsoo said.

“So soon? We could go get a drink or something.”

“Another time?” Baekhyun said. “I kind of puked my guts out. Thanks for cleaning.”

“No, you aren’t leaving me here clean your fucking mess,” Jongdae said and slapped him on the butt with the stick of the broom. “Help me clean and then you can go…fuck like rabbits.”

“You know it was only a joke, right?”

“Is it?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

In the big scheme of things at that moment, it really was only a poor, stupid joke. Did Baekhyun want anything more than a kiss? He didn’t know that either.

But they did clean the vomit patch on the floor, with Jongdae making random jokes from time to time. Kyungsoo didn’t get angry or said anything that would imply that in fact, Jongdae was at least 30% right. He kept quiet.

Which, for a fact made Baekhyun feel calmer. And not. Because with all of that, he still wanted things to happen between them.

Kyungsoo sat down on the couch. It was silent, and for a moment, Baekhyun thought about walking towards him and sitting down on his lap. Would that be too much? Crossing the boundaries. There were no rules, not yet. So he could test the waters at least, see how the other would react.

So he took one step, then another, keeping his eyes fixed on Kyungsoo’s lap. He didn’t know what to say, whether there was anything to say. When he reached the edge of the couch, only one step was to be made, so that he would sit on top of him.

“Uhm…” he whispered, glancing at his face.

Kyungsoo was chewing on his bottom lip, not looking at him. He sat down, straddling his legs and placing both of his hands on his shoulders.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah, …it’s good…” Kyungsoo said and then cleared his throat.

He looked down at his lip, red and bitten at the edges. Baekhyun licked his own, feeling his entire body grow warmer and tingly. Maybe it was only his head, but his heart was racing, going off the beaten track. Not one beat was at the right time, growing stronger right in his ears. Leaning in, he felt the other’s hands sit on his back, tracing lines up and down, over his shirt.

He kissed him, as slow as he could, letting himself feel the way Kyungsoo’s bottom lip fitted right between his, nestled in that tight hollow. The fingers running through his hair made his hips jerk up, then press down, harder than he wanted.

Kyungsoo pushed him back on the pillows, hiking his legs around his middle. That time, it was Kyungsoo who kissed him, harder than before, pushing his hips forward, to meet his. Baekhyun ate back a groan that was about to slip past his lips. He was fucked.

“Maybe…we should…stop…” he whispered, looking at the other.

His bottom lip was glistening, still wet, and he almost leaned forward to suck it between his own lips.

“Uhm…?”

Kyungsoo was looking at him from between his eyelashes, brushing his thumb up, from his shoulder to his neck and jawline.

“Didn’t you say that we should take it slow?”

“Oh, I…”

He didn’t want to take it slow, but then, Jongdae’s words came to his mind. Maybe he did want to take it slow, even though he knew Kyungsoo, as well as someone, could know another person.

“I like it,” Baekhyun said. “I really do but…I’m not sure if I’m ready to have sex just yet.”

“You are talking like you’ve never had sex before,” Kyungsoo laughed.

“I didn’t,” Baekhyun whispered.

“You…what?!”

“I lied, okay?! I’ve never had sex with anyone, be it a girl or a guy. Never. And that’s why I want to take it slow…I have no idea what the fuck I am doing.”

“Oh…God…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incoming angst, be prepared  
> but really, this fic is really fun to write, therefore, i can post the chapters much faster than i even thought.  
> i planned it to be a 3 parts fic, but seeing how the story progresses, it might be a 5 chapter fic, i shall see
> 
> hope you'll enjoy:)

“You’ve told me in explicit detail the first you’ve ever had sex. Like…how much he-“

“Stop it!” Baekhyun shouted, placing both hands over Kyungsoo’s mouth. “I lied.”

“whajjdcmjs…?” Kyungsoo mumbled.

“Sorry…uhm…”

“Thank you…wash your hands though.”

“Do you want to hear my apology or whatever or not?”

“Yes. Why would you lie to me? I’m your best friend. I wouldn’t have judged you for that.”

Baekhyun sighed, staring at the ceiling. He knew he was going to screw everything even more from the beginning. But that had only been a distant thought, not something that was bound to happen at the blink of one fucking eye. The small lie just bit him by the ass.

“I wanted to seem cooler. You know, it’s on brand with the whole artist-smoker, ‘je ne sais quoi’ kind of thing.”

“That’s stupid,” Kyungsoo said. “Like…having sex doesn’t define who you are as a person. And I’ve never liked you more or less because of that. It’s just…you felt the need to lie to me.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. It was stupid.”

“Like you.”

“I know…” he sighed. “Are we still good?”

“Yeah…why wouldn’t we be?”

“I lied to you?” Baekhyun asked.

“I’ll grab something to eat. Search for a movie or something.”

He sighed, watching Kyungsoo stand up from the couch and walk over to the kitchen. Maybe he was stalling, not sure what answer to give. So it wasn’t that he had no idea how to have sex, but that he lied about having plenty of ideas. Why did he have to lie? Oh, yes, he had been 70% drunk that very night.

“Kyungsoo!”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry. Again.”

“I know,” the other laughed, turning around to look at him. “Baek…it’s okay. I don’t care that much that you are a virgin. Why would I?”

Baekhyun smiled, trying to stop his first impulse of covering his head with 2 layers of blankets and pillows in order to at least conceal the immense amount of shame that he was feeling.

“Chips?”

“Don’t tempt me…I’ll eat until I cannot walk…” Baekhyun said.

“Oh, come on, it’s funny. I’ll get to be your first,” Kyungsoo laughed.

“Haha. How romantic.”

“You want it to be romantic, admit it.”

“Maybe…depends. I don’t really like cheesy stuff.”

“Oh…and that’s why you call me honey bear?” Kyungsoo said and then burst into laughter.

“That’s sweet,” Baekhyun mumbled.

“Yeah, for a cheesy rom-com with one ‘hunkety-hunk’ dude and a Mary-Sue chick that keeps saying that for 30 minutes straight. No. But me being your first is romantic.”

“Who said I’ll let you…be my first?”

Baekhyun gulped, staring again at the ceiling. Maybe he should have kept once again his mouth shut. It was one of that 99.9 % of situations when silence would have been better than barking out the first thing that his brain had decided to fart for that day. And usually, those brain farts were only stinky, disastrous monsters.

“Then I won’t be your first.”

“I was joking…” Baekhyun mumbled.

“I get if you want to keep it for someone…special.”

“That sounds so stupid. You are special,” he said, crawling on his knees towards Kyungsoo. “You are my special honey bear.”

“Baek…”

“It’s true…I was only joking.”

“Then stop calling me stupid names, please,” Kyungsoo said.

He grabbed the phone out of the pocket of his pants right when it buzzed.

“Who’s texting you this late?”

“No one,” Kyungsoo said, turning around so that Baekhyun couldn’t see anything that he was typing.

“Does that no one have a name?”

Kyungsoo sighed, shaking his head.

“Someone from school. Don’t be paranoid.”

“I’m not…paranoid. I’ve just pledged my shiny virginity to you and you can’t even answer one damn question for me.”

“It’s my Math teacher. Alright?!”

“Why would your math teacher text you at 1 at night?” Baekhyun asked, squeezing the only pillow on the couch in his arms like it was the head of the said teacher.

“We actually get along. He’s funny.”

“Funny…” Baekhyun huffed. “So he’s funny and I make you cringe.”

“Baek. We are just talking. It’s not like I’m fucking him or something.”

“Of course. Not yet,” he said and stood up, walking into his bedroom.

“Baekhyun!”

Like all the other times, Kyungsoo didn’t come to him or knock on the door. He sat down, in silence on the bed, having his entire body covered by the blanket. There was so high of a chance that he was overreacting. His lips were still tingly, so he touched them, thinking again that if he had kept his mouth shut, none of that would have happened. Maybe there would have been more kisses and cuddling on the couch until both of them would have fallen asleep. But he had to open his mouth.

“Damn it…”

Baekhyun sighed, kicking the mattress with his fist, again and again until it started throbbing.

“Damn it…”

It didn’t feel fair. All the odds were seemingly against the idea of him trying to date Kyungsoo. Even Kyungsoo himself, chatting with guys 20 years older, who already had jobs and were also probably married with 2 kids and a mortgage to pay.

He wasn’t sure when he had managed to fall asleep. But when he woke up in the morning, he was covered in sweat, from the bottom of his pants to his forehead that had stuck to the pillowcase.

Kyungsoo was nowhere to be found. Not in the kitchen or in his room, folding laundry. It was Sunday morning, and Sunday mornings were meant for eating pancakes in two and watching a rerun of the Big Bang Theory on TV, not mourn a non-existent loss.

He huffed, pushing a lonely sock with his foot. Maybe he was lonely too. He could need a hot university teacher to keep him company.

“Damn it!”

The door opened. And there he was, Kyungsoo, holding two shopping bags.

“Morning…”

“I thought you left…” Baekhyun whispered.

“I…didn’t have enough milk to make the pancakes. And I wanted to say that I am sorry. I’ve been in fact flirting with him for a while now. Nothing has happened or will ever happen. He’s kind of married with kids. It’s just…” he shrugged, looking around, “Some innocent fun.”

Baekhyun bit his lip, hard enough to make it bleed and also stop him from saying anything else.

“Oh…I see. Could you…at least tell me his name?”

“Uhm…Max. His name is Max.”

“Oh, so now you call him just Max.”

“Baek…I wasn’t going to cheat on you with him.”

“Of course not. Uhm…I think I’ll go running for a bit?” he said, shrugging. “I could need some exercise.”

“Baek…listen. It was wrong of me to continue talking to him once I was sure that we are a thing. But I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong.”

“You can keep talking to him. Back then…you would have told me about him, show me the texts, laugh over them. Stalk him online. I kind of miss those times…when we weren’t so awkward and annoyed at everything, you know? Maybe we shouldn’t actually try dating. It’s just…like my brain farts. Terrible.”

“I…”

Baekhyun bit his lip again, harder than before; he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds and when he opened them, he breathed out.

“We should just be friends. I like it better.”

“O….kay.”

“Good. Then I’ll go for a run. I’ll try to be quick.”

Baekhyun couldn’t run. He hated running or any kind of sports. So he just sat on a bench in the park and watched a couple of ducklings follow around what seemed to be their mama duck, on the grass patch near the lake. He liked it on that side, where not many people were passing and where the path was unkempt and there were much more ducks and sometimes swans. It was nice. Or as nice as it could be when he felt like shit.

“Damn it…”

Maybe he should have kept quiet. He wasn’t even sure whether or not he really wanted to be together with Kyungsoo. Did the idea of Max, the much older university teacher make him jealous? He couldn’t tell.

So he just sighed and kept on watching the ducks.

“Maybe I should just be a duck too…you don’t have any romantic feelings or stupid romantic problems that turn into clichés, do you? Of course, not…why would you?”

Baekhyun sighed again, placing the chin on his hands. At least the day was nice, quite warm. How was that teacher, anyway? Funnier than him? He could be funny too. And sweet and he knew everything that Kyungsoo liked and didn’t like. Heck, he knew Kyungsoo so well…maybe he didn’t, Baekhyun huffed. That’s why he was talking to someone much older than him, which came as a surprise. Maybe he didn’t know him at all.

“Max fucking what’s your full name, why do you like my ex-boyfriend?”

But Baekhyun, after 1 hour of duck watching, realized that he didn’t want to give up that easily. Or at least, find out who the mysterious secret admirer was before he could say even more things that could ruin every little chance at making up with Kyungsoo.

“Remind me why are we doing this?” Jongdae asked.

It was Monday morning, too morning for coherent thoughts and walking out of the house to dig more information about a probably innocent person who had nothing to do with his emotional distraught. But there he was, bone and flesh, in the hallway of the place where Kyungsoo was spending 75% of his time.

“Because…you two are my friends. Best friends, now, actually, since…”

“You and Kyungsoo are on and off weird and in a relationship?”

“Wha…”

“Yeah, saw how you’ve been looking at him on Saturday,” Irene said. “Pretty obvious, if you ask me.”

“Let me get things straight. You want us to find the professor that he’s been sexting with.”

“Texting.”

“How do you know it’s not sexting?” Jongdae asked.

“Because…I actually don’t know. That’s why I need to see him for myself.”

“And do…what?” Irene asked.

“You could have searched his Facebook like any other normal human being. Or Instagram. Or LinkedIn,” Jongdae said, pacing around. “I don’t look…smart enough for this school.”

“Who does? Come on. I just need to find his full fucking name and see his fucking face before-“

“Hello, are you looking for somebody?”

“Uhm…” Baekhyun whispered, staring at the guy that somehow appeared near him.

The very attractive and dark-haired stranger that was looking right at him like he wanted to melt off his clothes. Okay, maybe that was only in his imagination.

“We are looking for…a professor here, which a friend of ours recommended as being one of the best at…Mathematics. The only problem is that we don’t know his full name,” Irene said.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes. His first name is Max.”

“Oh, so that’s me,” the man laughed. “I’m Max.”

“Oh…” Baekhyun whispered.

Suddenly, he regretted coming to Kyungsoo’s university or having the luck to meet the guy from the first try.

“So, who wants to have a word with me?”

“Me,” Baekhyun whispered. “Me! I…I was thinking about applying here but I’m not that sure about my math skills, honestly.”

“I see,” Max smiled. “We could go to my office, have a little chat about what you would want to do.”

“Baekhyun? Irene…Jongdae…? What are you guys doing here?”

And then, Baekhyun just wanted to be swallowed by a black hole and never see that place for the rest of his life. Because in front of him, there was Kyungsoo. His sweet, cute Kyungsoo, with his too big glasses and a bunch of books in his arms. That was also the Kyungsoo presumably “sexting” the guy standing on his left, who didn’t look 40, not at all.

He just wanted to get out of there, as soon as possible.

“I was…”

“Kyungsoo,” Max smiled, placing an arm around his shoulder. “Do you know each other?”

“A little,” Baekhyun whispered. “He is the friend who recommended you.”

“Oh, Kyungsoo. You are too sweet sometimes, you know that? I’m not thaaat great of a teacher.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. He wanted to punch him right in the nuts and then make him take his arm off his ex-boyfriend.

“You know what? I will come another time to chat with you about applying here. It was very very nice meeting you though.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Irene mumbled. “We should juuuust…go.”

“Exactly as they just said,” Jongdae continued, pointing at the two of them.

Baekhyun couldn’t be happier to be outside, at fresh air blowing right over his ruddy face.

“That was weird,” Jongdae laughed. “But he’s hot.”

“Did you see the way he was touching Kyungsoo?” Irene asked. “That is inappropriate with a big I.”

“Even Jongin would agree to that,” Baekhyun laughed. “I’m screwed. I cannot compete with that. What if they are really sexting and he has a big dick and-“

“Shut up. Stop thinking about dicks,” Irene said. “There might be nothing between them.”

“Ooor…they could be sexting. I’ve seen that before. It’s obvious behavior. The male alpha with his little, cute omega. Power play,” Jongdae said.

“Gross.”

“Oh, come on. Haven’t you guys watched any porn or read some fanfiction in your life?”

“No,” Irene said, rolling her eyes.

“He’s coming…” Jongdae whispered.

“Who’s…”

“Could you explain why the three of you were in my university chatting with one of my professors?” Kyungsoo asked.

Baekhyun gulped down, feeling the knot getting even tighter. Kyungsoo was right there, in front of him, with the arms crossed over his chest, frowning. That couldn’t be good.

Irene and Jongdae both looked at him and took a couple of steps back.

“That’s my fault…I wanted to see who Max really is.”

“Are you serious?” Kyungsoo asked, looking from one person to the other. “It seems like you are. This is so freaking creepy, even for you, Baek. Come here and stalk my professor just because I have the audacity to text with him from time to time?”

“At 1 in the morning?!”

“Yes! Is that forbidden? Do you want to read our messages or have you already done that?”

“Kyungsoo…”

“So you don’t trust me, not one fucking bit. Or is that because you would do that if you were me, huh?! Fuck the hot teacher instead?”

“I’m a fucking virgin if you forgot that! I was saving my fucking virginity for you! If you didn’t hide that damn phone from me while you were texting…Max, then I wouldn’t be here. Haven’t you seen the way he touched you?!” Baekhyun shouted, walking around. “You two looked…close.”

“He’s my teacher.”

“Teachers are supposed to be that close to their students. And I’m still the crazy one when you don’t want to tell me anything about him.”

“Okay, you know what?” Kyungsoo said, letting his arms fall next to his body. “I met him in a bar 1 week ago and I was a little drunk, he was a little drunk, so we started making out. Happy?!”

“1 week ago we were together.”

“Oh, come on. You cannot call that being together. Whatever we were doing was just a stupid little game,” Kyungsoo said.

“You wanted to have sex with me…” Baekhyun whispered.

“Sex is not such a big deal…”

“You joked about you being my first. And called it romantic. So it’s just a joke to you? Am I a joke to you because I have no money and-and-“

“Baek…” Irene whispered, holding his hand. “Come on, let’s go, it’s not worth it.”

“Aren’t best friends supposed to care for each other?”

“Come on…” she whispered, dragging him after her.

“Asshole,” Jongdae mumbled.

Baekhyun decided, on the spot rather-spot meaning being dragged across the university lawn by a very determined Irene, that he couldn’t possibly sleep again in the same apartment as Kyungsoo. Not for the time being at least.

“Can I move in with you?” he asked.

“With me?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay…” Irene shrugged. “Be prepared to see Jongin naked most of the time.”

“You know my apartment is always open for you,” Jongdae said.

“Yours had bedbugs and cockroaches last time I slept on your damn couch. But I appreciate it.”

“That was a long time ago. Now there are only bedbugs.”

“You…are gross,” Irene said. “Truly.”

So Baekhyun went on a very secret mission to gather all of his necessary belongings from his apartment to carry them to the other side of town, where Irene lived. But, instead of total secrecy, he bumped, almost literarily, nose into nose, with Kyungsoo.

“Hi.”

“Hiiii…” he whispered, walking towards his room. “Damn it…”

The plan needed to go on at any costs, so he pulled out his travel backpack, and shoved inside everything his eyes were lying upon.

“Where are you going?”

“Irene’s,” he shrugged.

“Why?”

“Because…I think we need some time to let things settled and remove this whole”-he said, moving his arms around, “awkward air. So I thought that I should better just crash at hers for a while.”

“Crash at hers? You hate Jongin.”

“That’s not true,” he laughed, shaking his head.

“Baek…we need to talk about everything. About what I said. I didn’t mean it in that way,” Kyungsoo said, stepping towards him.

“It’s fine. I totally get it. We are not meant to be a couple and if you like your…math teacher, then go for it. You only live once, right? Why settle for less?”

“You are not less,” Kyungsoo sighed. “I don’t want a relationship with him. What we did was wrong on so many levels and I should have told you from the beginning.”

“And I…should still move out for a while. Trust me, it’s for the better.”

“Baek…” Kyungsoo whispered. “Fine. Move out.”

“Okay…I’ll see you around, I guess.”

He wasn’t sure whether or not that was one of his many terrible decisions. Moving out. Maybe he should have stayed, convince Kyungsoo that he is the one right for him. But instead, he was walking towards the bus stop, for a one hour ride to Irene’s apartment. At least she didn’t have bedbugs like Jongdae. But she had a bigger problem named Kim Jongin.

“Hi…Irene told me about your little meltdown,” Jongin said from the doorframe.

He was only wearing boxer briefs. Extremely tight ones, too.

“Hi. Not meltdown, just existential crisis or problems in love.”

“I could hook you up with one of my gay friends. Good bodies too.”

“Thanks, but I’m good like that. Where’s Irene?”

“Taking a shower. You can sleep on the couch,” Jongin grinned.

The couch seemed soft enough. But then again, it was Jongin he was talking about. It could also be a torture trap.

“Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Of course…we like company. I’ve always been thinking about a threesome.”

“A…what?!”

“Threesome. You and Irene are close enough, so she might not mind it that much.”

“I would and she would,” Baekhyun said, throwing the backpack on the floor.

“Come on, just once.”

“Nope. Not in any way, shape or form. I’m not having a threesome with you and my best friend. Nope.”

“It’s going to be fun.”

“Are you out of your mind?! I come here and that’s the first thing you tell me. Have a threesome with us.”

“Fine…” Jongin laughed. “But if you change your mind…”

“Nope, I won’t. Trust me.”

Baekhyun sat down on the couch, regretting his decision. Jongin was worse than bedbugs. He was one giant cockroach, right in front of him, smiling like a predator.

The door to the bathroom opened.

“Baek…you were fast.”

“Yup. Did Jongin tell you that you’ll sleep on-“

“The couch? Yup. Thanks.”

“No problem,” she smiled.

Baekhyun sighed again. He looked at Jongin, practicing some dance moves right in front of him, while his ball sack kept bouncing in his underwear. Why couldn’t he stop looking at it?!

“Dear God…” he whispered, closing his eyes.

Those were going to be some very very long days after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter for whoever celebrates!

Baekhyun woke up in the noise of something that resembled a fly of apocalyptic proportions. Maybe an elephant-fly even, with those, big round eyes and enormous nose. He almost expected to see it, floating around his head, ready at any minute to just fall all over him.

But there was no creature of the apocalypse. Only Jongin’s coffee machine.

“Do you want some?”

“Uhm, thanks, yeah…that would be good,” he whispered, rubbing both eyes.

Something in the couch had poked him in all the fleshy bits of his body. He assumed those were the springs, or whatever it was left of them.

“Irene hasn’t woken up?”

“She’s already off to work,” Jongin smiled.

“Oh, …she must be busy then.”

“2 jobs,” the other shrugged, placing two mugs underneath the nozzle of the machine. “And I have a show tonight. Guess who won’t be able to come and see it?”

“Irene?” Baekhyun asked.

“Yup…” he whispered, chewing his bottom lip.

“I mean…you said it yourself she has 2 jobs and…why didn’t she tell me that before? I always thought that her parents were still helping her financially.”

“Not since they got bankrupt and she still has to pay I don’t even know how much for this place.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t tell her that I told you. She’ll get embarrassed.”

Baekhyun nodded, taking the coffee cup from Jongin.

“I’m still down for that threesome,” Jongin laughed.

The coffee tasted good, he could say that, at least in his head; but he had already started missing home, Kyungsoo’s presence and usual silence during the morning hours. There had never been anything awkward in just the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, reading or scrolling through Instagram, while chewing and drinking from their instant coffee.

But he couldn’t just go running at him, prove that he missed him already. Or could he?

Baekhyun sighed, looking outside the window. Then, he glanced around, at the white kitchen with shiny surfaces and everything from a microwave to a dishwasher. On Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sundays, he was the designated human dishwasher. Kyungsoo would hang around, put some music and dance around like Baloo the bear while Baekhyun would sing out loud.

He shook his head, trying to think about the piano keys and the rehearsal room, with Mr. Junmyeon shouting at him for not cleaning “his extension”.

“I got to go to the studio. Did Irene give you the spare key?”

“Yeah…she left it in my room.”

“Okay…see you,” Jongin grinned.

Baekhyun finished his coffee, placed it in the sink and washed it. The apartment was silent, too much for his liking, so he got dressed and took the bus to the university. He hoped that at least Jongdae was there, to cheer him up and say that he hadn’t done anything wrong.

The rehearsal room was empty when he arrived. So he walked outside of the building and sat down on a bench, underneath an oak tree. It was a windy day so that his hair was flying in all directions, with predilection inside his eyes. Maybe it was time for a haircut.

He lighted a cigarette and thought about what Kyungsoo would say about that. Baekhyun closed his eyes.

In the air, it smelled like burnt things and ground; burnt ground, maybe? He coughed once and stared at the cigarette. Then, he checked his phone and placed it back in the pocket of his pants.

Jongdae was walking towards him, holding a cup of Starbucks coffee and in the other a white box of what he thought to be from that distance, donuts.

“So, I’m only telling you this because you helped me that one time with my girlfriend. That’s the only reason.”

“You mean because I lied to her that you weren’t cheating on her?” Baekhyun asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“That too. Anyways. Kyungsoo texted me all the damn night and talked only about you,” Jongdae said, making him hold the donut box. “Take one.”

“And what did he say?”

Jongdae shrugged, sipping from the coffee.

“You know, his usual bullshit. A lot of excuses, screenshots of his conversation with that Max guy. I can send them to you.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Oh, come on. I know you’re dying of curiosity.”

“I am. But I don’t want to see them,” Baekhyun said. “Nice donut.”

“I know. They are sooo expensive though. I’ve told him he was an ass the other day and I was wrong. There’s no sexting. Not one bit. You know…just math talk and some very bad jokes. There’s nothing to worry about on that.”

“What…did he say about me?”

“Oh…you know…” Jongdae said, brushing a hand through his hair. “He said he wants to have a serious talk with you about where you two stand but…”

“But…”

“You are making him doubt everything.”

“I’m making him doubt everything?! Me?!”

“Calm down, dude…” Jongdae laughed. “He likes you…in that way.”

“Does he?”

“See?” Jongdae pointed with his coffee cup; a couple of drops flew through the air and landed right on Baekhyun’s pants. “You are doing it again.”

“What am I doing again?”

“That. Doubting everything. His feelings, yours.”

“Well, I’ve never been more than best friends with him...so isn’t it normal to doubt and wonder whether I want to fucking be like that with him for eternity?!”

Jongdae laughed again, shaking his head.

“You see everything in black and white. Nobody says you should be with him for eternity.”

“Then I say it.”

“So you want him for eternity? That’s kind of romantic and creepy. Creepy romantic.”

“Shut up, you slut.”

“Just because I have a sex life, doesn’t mean I’m easy.”

“Yes, you are…” Baekhyun grinned. “Thanks for the donut…and gossip.”

“Anytime.”

But no matter how much he had been thinking about it afterward, Baekhyun couldn’t remove the doubt from his mind. Not even when his fingers where pressing down on the keys of the piano, playing a song for the 12th time that day, while his assigned teacher, Mr. Zhang was watching him with what he couldn’t really call contempt. He knew he was lousy that day.

“Baekhyun…from the beginning. What’s wrong with you?”

He didn’t really know what was wrong with him, except that he couldn’t stop thinking about what decision to make. Be alone forever or try again at being with Kyungsoo?

Baekhyun laughed, thinking that he couldn’t actually be single forever. Or could he? Then Jongdae’s face would appear, telling him that with his indecisive nature, he might as well remain single for eternity.

He sighed.

“What’s on your mind?” Mr. Zhang asked.

“Nothing. I’m a bit stressed…and tensed.”

“I can tell…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Look, Baekhyun. If you want to make a great impression next month at that show, you need to prove to everyone what you can. What you prove to me right now is that you got in here by sheer luck. That’s it.”

Baekhyun wanted to scream as he walked back home. He couldn’t even call Irene’s apartment home. It wasn’t. Home was where Kyungsoo was. And then, Kyungsoo would know what to say about his failure. But there was no Kyungsoo and everything was stopping him from making that phone call. So he didn’t. He bought 2 bags of chips and some soda to eat them while watching a show on the couch. That seemed like a decent solution.

Irene came back at around 9 at night.

“Hi…” she whispered. “Is Jongin back?”

“He said something about a competition or…not really?” he shrugged.

“It stinks of cheese in here.”

“Sorry. From the chips.”

“Baek…” she said and sat down next to him. “You good?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Jongin kind of told me about your 2 jobs and…look, I can pay part of the utilities. I don’t want to live off of your kindness.”

“Baek…”

“I like you the same, you know?”

“I know…” she smiled. “I’m aware you have a bad opinion about Jongin…but I wouldn’t still be with him if I didn’t know how he really is.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s like you in a way. You seem very superficial and crazy. But you aren’t. Jongin is the same. That’s his coping mechanism, how he protects himself. With me, he’s just…him. I can talk about anything, he doesn’t judge or imposes his opinion. It’s nice…but he’s not a jerk. Not with the people he really cares about.”

“Irene…you don’t need to explain yourself why-“

“Kyungsoo is the same. We are all like that. Maybe he’s scared too about really being with you and falling in love. It’s different than being just best friends. Maybe he still doesn’t know how to react.”

“Irene…” Baekhyun sighed. “I don’t know how to react either.”

“I know…”

“Okay…”

“I’ll take a shower and you’ll open the windows, okay? Still stinks. And you don’t have to pay for anything, really.”

“Yes, boss,” he laughed.

Baekhyun woke up with an idea. One of those that entered into one of two categories: pure genius or doomed from the beginning. When he left his own university, he stopped by a supermarket, bought some gummy bears and fruit juice and walked towards Kyungsoo’s school.

There was a high chance that he wouldn’t even be there. But he still hoped. It didn’t really matter.

He saw him in an instant, carrying his big, black backpack, having the headphones on. That made him stop on the alleyway and wait. What were the chances? If he had believed in fate, then maybe. But he didn’t, or couldn’t allow himself, so it was just a meager coincidence. A small game of the stars.

“Baek…” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Brought these…I don’t want to not talk with you.”

“I…” he said, glancing behind, at the school and then back at him.

Kyungsoo gulped down and Baekhyun knew it was going to be bad. So so bad.

 

_-to be continued-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on making this chapter much longer, but because tomorrow i'm going back home for the easter holiday and i might not be able to write for a bit while i'm there, i have decided to post half of the chapter now and hopefully post the second half somewhere next week if i manage to write smth.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you'll enjoy:)

“It’s nice outside,” Baekhyun said.

They were both sitting on a bench, with the jelly bags opened on their laps and the juice bottles in each hand.

“Yeah…really nice. How’s living with Irene and Jongin?”

“Good…they are great to me…but that’s not a surprise, is it?”

“I…miss you,” Kyungsoo said. “The apartment is so empty without your laugh and clothes everywhere.”

Baekhyun sighed, looking down at his fingers. He took another jelly bear and threw it inside his mouth.

“Here. You can read everything,” Kyungsoo said and placed the phone in his hand.

“What…should I read?”

“My entire conversation with Max to see for yourself. I didn’t delete anything.”

“I don’t need to read a-“

“Yes, you do. Please, read it.”

He nodded, taking the phone with both hands. The conversation was scrolled up to the beginning. In all fairness, even though only days ago he would have literally done anything to read what it was all about when he had that chance, he simply couldn’t. It felt too intimate, and even though Kyungsoo allowed that to him, it still seemed like a violation of his privacy. So he only scrolled through the text, without focusing on the words; maybe only at times, but to realize that nothing written was important, or strong enough to feed his jealousy. Because having it in his hands, he realized that jealousy was what he had been feeling lately.

“Thanks…but you didn’t have to.”

“I wasn’t cheating on you and I should have worded everything better. I mean…not after that damn kissing.”

“I shouldn’t have stalked your professor and then blame you without actually talking about it. Sorry.”

“I think we are both sorry then,” Kyungsoo laughed. “Can you come back?”

“I…”

“We don’t have to figure things out on the spot. We don’t. I just miss you as my best friend.”

“You know I miss you too. A lot, actually. And I hate that couch…”

“That’s the worst reason to want to come back…” Kyungsoo smiled.

“I know…but it is. It’s so…poky…”

Baekhyun leaned over on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, sighing. He smiled and intertwined their fingers.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be as complicated as we make it out to be…” Kyungsoo said.

“What do you mean?”

“This…is not complicated and it’s great. Just like this.”

Baekhyun smiled and looked at him. He kissed the side of his neck, below his ear and placed his head again on his shoulder.

“Like this?”

“Yeah…like this.”

“Okay…maybe we make things too complicated. Maybe I should stay for a little longer with Irene. Not being in each other’s presence that much might help.”

“Okay…it might.”

“Okay…” he sighed, squeezing his hand.

Kyungsoo smiled. He brought their connected fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of Baekhyun’s hand, lingering over the skin for a short while. It made Baekhyun shiver, and hide his face, breathing in the slight smell of perfume left on his t-shirt.

“I would never cheat on you…and I would tell you if I had fallen out of…if I didn’t want to be with you anymore. I would.”

“Kyungsoo…”

Baekhyun walked back to the apartment, feeling his chest lighter and heavier than usual. He couldn’t put his finger on the exact sentiment that had taken control over him since Kyungsoo had kissed his hand. It hadn’t been anything much, but for some reason, it felt even more special than a normal kiss on the lips. He had kept replaying it in his head, over and over, until he opened the door to the apartment, playing in his head each variation of what could have happened after that.

Good, or bad, he wasn’t sure. Was he actually falling in love? Was Kyungsoo already in love with him, he wondered.

“Baeek!” Jongin shouted. “Dude. I need your help. I’ll do anything you want me to if you do this one thing for me.”

“Huh?”

“You good?”

“Yeah…a little tired,” he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Why do you need my help?”

“Come closer,” Jongin said, glancing around.

“Uhm…”

“I won’t try to fuck you, not now. Come on, just walk a little. I’m not eating you.”

“Fiiiine,” Baekhyun said, rolling his eyes.

“I’m going to propose to Irene.”

“You what?!”

“Propose. Ask her to marry me. But I need it to be perfect and since you are one of her best friend’s, I need your help.”

“With what? Aren’t you supposed to just buy a ring and ask the question?”

Jongin shook his head, huffing. “It needs to be really special. I’m taking her for a picnic and there I’m going to propose.”

“I don’t see how I’m needed.”

“One, you’ll help me buy the ring, the food, and other stuff. Please. You know what she likes and I could use a second opinion. And just…show her pictures of rings and shit, without being obvious. Please. She needs to love it.”

“Jongin…” Baekhyun laughed. “You are too stressed. She’d love anything that comes from you.”

“That’s not right. So, will you give a hand?”

“Okay? Sure…I mean…”

“Great. Then let’s go ring hunting. She’s finally free on Saturday and today is Wednesday, so I don’t have a lot of time to spare.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe that at the age of 21 he would be going ring hunting for the future engagement of one of his best friends. Truthfully, Irene was 3 years older, so that, put into perspective, didn’t seem so weird anymore. But it still was.

He sighed, rubbing the space between his eyebrows. Irene getting married, and there he was, pinning over his best friend.

They went ring hunting that same afternoon before she came back from work. He didn’t know any good jewelry shops, but it seemed like Jongin had done his research quite well.

“What do you think about this one? It’s simple but elegant. Could fit her well,” Jongin said, pointing to a silver ring with a translucent stone in the middle, in a triangular shape.

“Too chunky?”

“And what would you recommend?”

“That one?”

“Looks nice,” Jongin shrugged. “Could you show us these two?”

Baekhyun sighed again. For some reason, he kept thinking about Kyungsoo, about the fact that he wanted him close, holding his hand, wanting to buy him a ring. Damn it, he thought. There was no space for thinking about one damn ring.

“I like yours,” Jongin said.

“You do?”

“Yeah…I think Irene will love it too, wouldn’t she? I can already see it on her finger…god, she’d be so beautiful.”

“Yeah, she would.”

Baekhyun was at least glad that everything was faster than he would have hoped for. Then it came to the picnic shopping, while Jongin kept on opening the ring box a couple of too many times until Baekhyun grabbed it from him and shoved it inside his backpack. Enough was enough.

When they got back home, Irene was already there, in the kitchen, cooking.

“Hiii! Boys night?” she asked.

“Something like that…” Baekhyun laughed.

“You know…we went for a beer downtown.”

“That’s good,” Irene smiled, as Jongin walked over to her to kiss her on the lips while he wrapped both arms around her middle.

Baekhyun looked away, cursing the day he had agreed to live with them; his ‘bedroom’ was in the same room as the kitchen, so he couldn’t even avoid the lovey-dovey sounds made out by the constant kissing and pecking and giggling and laughing. He wanted to puke. And not because he wasn’t happy for them. Of course, he was. But then, he was the third wheel, quite willingly, moping over his incapacity of making one damn decision in regards to the person he was supposed to know best.

He sighed, sitting down on the couch.

“Baek, are you hungry?” Irene asked.

“Nope…I’m all good. Thank you.”

“We should let you sleep, shouldn’t we?”

“It’s fine. I can sleep with noise.”

No, he couldn’t, but he didn’t have the guts to throw them out of their own room. He couldn’t wait to get back to his own personal room in his own personal apartment, where he didn’t have to see people being so happy and in love and on the brinks of marriage.

He sighed again.

In the morning, he took another decision: of moving out. He loved Irene, he really did, but then, knowing everything that he knew was making him feel even worse about his own situation. And that, in turn, was making him feel guilty about everything.

So he packed his bag, placed the key on the kitchen table, took the first bus and in one hour, arrived to the placed he could call home. Kyungsoo was not there. It was better.

He loitered all day in the living room or the kitchen, tidying things up and listening to any sound that might indicate that Kyungsoo had arrived. That only happened around 7 at night.

“Hey, …what are you doing in here?” Kyungsoo asked when he walked inside the kitchen.

“I couldn’t keep living with Irene and Jongin. He is about to propose to her and I just feel like the odd one out. Like…can you believe it? They are about to get married.”

Kyungsoo laughed, looking at him.

“Come here…”

Baekhyun blushed, looking down. He took a couple of slow steps, wondering if it was what he was thinking about.

Kyungsoo wrapped both arms around him, pulling him at his chest. So it wasn’t. Only a hug. What a relief.

“Better?”

“Are you mad that I’m back?”

“No. I’ve missed you but you already know that.”

“Okay…” he smiled.

Late at night, when he couldn’t sleep for whatever reason, he wanted to sneak inside Kyungsoo’s bedroom. He didn’t do that of course, but he had made diverse scenarios in his head about all the possible happenings of that little thing. When morning came, he felt like shit.

And then, it dawned on him that it was the day before another big show and that his last couple of rehearsals had been rather poopy. Mr. Zhang was too nice to actually say anything like that, but he knew that they had both been thinking about that. About his poopy interpretation and all too jittery fingers.

“Coffee?” Kyungsoo asked.

“And a hug?” Baekhyun laughed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Am I not allowed to want a hug from you?”

Kyungsoo smiled, opening his arms. “Come here.”

“It’s fine. I was only joking.”

“Baek…”

“I’m kind of stressed. I haven’t been myself lately. Especially when it comes to my artistic abilities.”

“Hey, …you are amazing. You must know that too.”

“You don’t have to throw free compliments at me. It’s not like they’re going to give you blow-jobs just like that,” he laughed.

“But they are not for free. You are great.”

“Because you are subjective. I’m mediocre and you don’t do anything with mediocrity in this industry. It smashes you like a bug from the first 3 months out there, in the jungle. I would only get shitty jobs at shitty theaters where only idiots go. Or nobody goes. No orchestra for one lame-ass like me. So what’s left is to sing on the streets with one lame ass black hat for people to throw money in, ooor…even better, change my degree in the last quarter, and do something basic and normal that would get me a desk job with mediocre pay.”

“That’s…” Kyungsoo said. “Very cynical.”

“Exactly. And realistic.”

“Baek…that won’t happen to you.”

“How do you know that? Through your subjective lenses?”

“You are a moron, sometimes, you know that?”

“Thank you.”

“Baek…” Kyungsoo said and walked towards him to hold his hand. “I’m as objective as I can. You being bad at it was because of other factors than your lack of skills. It was because of me…me being an ass and hurting you. So stop with that. Go there and kick some ass, okay? Kick mine too if it makes you feel better.”

Baekhyun laughed, looking at him.

“Thanks…”

“Any time…”

Kyungsoo came to his Friday show without being asked to. As well as Irene and Jongin, which proved to be even more of a surprise, especially when he saw the ring on her finger one day in advance. But there it was, in all of its shiny glory.

Irene smiled, flashing her hand before his eyes.

“I am engaged.”

“Congratulations!” Baekhyun said.

“Thank you…”

“Congratulations!” Kyungsoo said, placing his arm around Baekhyun’s waist. “When is the wedding?”

“Well…we are doing a very, very simple one in my parents’ backyard in…one month,” Jongin said.

“And we have a small request.”

“Okay…”

“We want you and Jongdae to play at our wedding,” Jongin and Irene said.

“Oh…that-“

“He’s in,” Kyungsoo said.

“I’m in.”

“We knew it,” Jongin smiled. “I told Irene you chose the ring.”

“Oh, I didn’t do much…”

“I love it,” she said. “I’ve always known you have great taste. Anyway. You two are of course invited to the wedding, with Jongdae and Chanyeol. You know he came back for good here?”

“Really?”

“Exactly. We were shocked too. He’ll play the guitar,” Jongin said.

“That’s fantastic but I need to get on that stage and kill it in the best way possible,” Baekhyun said.

“And we’re sure you will,” Irene smiled.

Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun run up to the stage and slide underneath the curtain. He turned around for a split second to smile, and Kyungsoo waved back at him before he sighed.

“So…are you two back together?” Jongin asked.

“Huh?”

“You know, together? Dating?”

“Oh…we are taking it slow,” he said as the curtain was going up from the floor in the noise of clapping and short shouts from the crowd. “Not putting pressure with labels and stuff.”

“Labels?” Irene asked.

“You know…boyfriends or just friends or whatever. We do whatever feels right.”

“Sure,” Jongin laughed. “Sure. So do you mean that being married is also a stupid label?”

“You know that I didn’t mean that-“

“Shhh…” Irene whispered. “They started playing, you assholes.”

“He looks cool,” Jongin said to Kyungsoo. “Has nice fingers. I’ve always been offering him a threesome.”

“Shut up,” he laughed. “I want to listen.”

Baekhyun looked beautiful, he thought. Maybe it was the lights, falling right over his face in orange and yellow hues, or how concentrated but serene he looked playing the piano, but he thought that he was falling for him all over again, stronger and stronger. That could be his Baekhyun.

He closed his eyes, only listening.

“He’s pretty good,” Jongin whispered into his ear.

“Of course he is. The only problem is that he doesn’t believe in himself.”

Jongin laughed, placing an arm around Irene’s middle. “I love you.”

She smiled, kissing his cheek. “I love you even more.”

Kyungsoo sighed, looking at Baekhyun. Their eyes met for a second and he smiled. He felt proud.

Everything ended faster than he had thought; the drapes were falling down, over the scene, over the spot where Baekhyun was sitting. People were standing up, clapping and cheering; he glanced at Irene and Jongin and somehow, he felt lonelier than usual. Needy for anything that would resemble their love.

He walked towards the back of the stage, waiting for him by the stairs.

“Baek…”

“Hi, sorry, but Mr. Zhang said there’s someone from Juilliard here and I should go introduce myself to him. He liked how I played. Can you imagine that?”

Kyungsoo smiled and nodded. Of course, he could.

“Should I wait for you?” he asked but Baekhyun was already walking through the crowd.

Kyungsoo wanted to see the man, because for some reason, one inexplicable one, he felt jealous. The first time he wanted all of the other’s attention, but instead, he was going further away from him.

He went outside, into the chilly spring air and leaned on the wall of the building. His phone buzzed. He was almost sure who it was, but he still opened the message.

**_Max:_ ** _I was thinking of you_

**_Kyungsoo_ ** _: you shouldn’t be_

**_Max_ ** _: can we meet? I really need to see you_

**_Kyungsoo_ ** _: sorry, but I can’t and you know why. that was a mistake_

**_Max_ ** _: …_

**_Max_ ** _: a mistake we both enjoyed_

**_Kyungsoo_ ** _: please stop sending me messages. I have a boyfriend._

He sighed, putting the phone in the pocket. Then, he picked it back up and stared at the conversation; he pressed delete for the conversation and blocked him on every possible platform. It didn’t make him feel better but at least he knew it was the most decent thing that he could have done.

“Hey, what are you doing here alone?” Irene asked.

“I can ask the same thing about you,” he laughed.

“Jongin is at the bathroom. Anyway, …what about you? Baekhyun is inside.”

“I think he’s busy.”

Irene sighed, touching his arm. “He likes you. Why do make things more complicated than they should be?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m not the type to-“

“Share his feelings with others. Did I get it right?”

“You don’t do it either.”

“Kyungsoo…”

“But I’m right, don’t try to deny it.”

“Maybe…but I’m happy right now. I’m getting married in one month and things are going well.”

“If you say so.”

“Hey…stop with that frown,” she laughed. “I’m really happy.”

“Okay, if you say so. I’m excited for you, don’t take it the wrong way. I’m okay myself too.”

“Staying here alone?”

“I like solitude. That place is too noisy for me.”

“Sure,” Irene shrugged. “I’ll go inside now. And you go find Baekhyun.”

“Okay…”

Kyungsoo looked at the street, at all those cars and the lights at the windows of the apartments in the distance. He heard a familiar laugh, growing louder in intensity.

It was Baekhyun.

Baekhyun with another man, maybe the one from Juilliard, standing in a corner, smoking cigarettes. Out of a sudden, he felt stupid. So he started walking away, back home. But then, he heard footsteps behind him and a hand wrap around his wrist.

“Where are you going?”

“I saw that you are busy,” Kyungsoo said.

“He’s the one from Juilliard. Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, this won’t take much longer. Don’t you want to wait for me?”

“Maybe I should just go home. I feel like the odd one out in here…not my type of crowd.”

Baekhyun pouted, glancing back.

“Look, I don’t want to make him wait. 10 more minutes and I’m all yours, alright?”

“Baek…”

“10. Maximum 15,” he smiled, running towards his spot near the building wall.

Kyungsoo sighed. He could wait a little more. Where was that jealousy coming from, anyway? He had no reason or right to be when he had done even worse to Baekhyun.

But those 15 minutes turned into 20, and one cigarette turned into chain smoking. People were beginning to give him glances and Baekhyun didn’t seem like he would be leaving anytime soon. Then, a car stopped right near the place where they were standing and Kyungsoo didn’t even wait for him to get inside.

He walked away, feeling even stupider than before. Maybe he would have done the same; there were not many chances like that and he knew Baekhyun had to grab it.

So he just left, walking with the hands in his pockets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> found some time to write the continuation of the last chapter; i know that this is also quite angsty, but i promise that everything will come to it fluffy normalness soon enough and these two will eventually talk everything out and figure their feelings.  
> i'm not sure why i wrote the last part of this chapter from ksoo's pov. kind of felt like it. i'm pretty aware that this is the wrong way to switch pov, in the middle of a scene or whatever, but i felt like i worked, as baekhyun left for the stage, leaving ksoo int eh crowd. anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried being as on time as possible with these chapters  
> sometimes i wish real life would be just like fanfiction and the person you like would like you back, but that's apparently not how it is, so...yeah
> 
> hope you guys will enjoy this one better:)

Baekhyun woke up feeling tired. Dizzy and tired. And then he remembers that he had bailed on Kyungsoo for a Juilliard guy that had had the promise of a brighter future in the palms of his hands. Which he hadn’t had, because he only had one big boner all along and not hots for his talent.

“Hi…I’m sorry for last night,” he whispered as he walked inside the kitchen.

“Oh, it’s alright. How did it go with that…”

“He only wanted a quick fuck it seems like, and not help me in my fucking career. So that’s great. Or maybe he would have helped if I had given him that quick fuck. Anyways. I’m sorry again.”

“I get it, don’t worry.”

“That was shitty of me…” Baekhyun whispered, stepping towards him.

“I think I deserve it,” Kyungsoo laughed.

Baekhyun smiled, placing a coffee mug under the nozzle of the coffee machine. “I feel so tired though…”

He heard Kyungsoo walk closer to him until he stopped behind him and placed both hands on his shoulders. “A massage?”

“That would be good.”

“Uhm…so Chanyeol is coming,” Kyungsoo said.

“Mhm…could you do it on my neck? It’s quite stiff.”

“Yeah…didn’t you use to like him back in the day?”

“Stop bringing that up,” he laughed. “I was 17 and stupid.”

Kyungsoo smiled and kissed his earlobe; it made Baekhyun shiver, getting a little closer to him.

“So you don’t like him anymore?”

“Of course I don’t.”

“So I shouldn’t worry.”

“Why would you have to worry?” Baekhyun asked.

“Because…Chanyeol is tall and hot and quite rich…and you used to like him.”

“I used to…that’s the important part. Are you worried?”

“About what?”

Baekhyun giggled, turning around to look at him. “That I would choose him over you?”

“Would you? I’m a shitty half-boyfriend anyway.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I deserve it,” Kyungsoo laughed, glancing down.

“Honey bear…”

“Yeah?”

“I think we are fair and square now, aren’t we? So…don’t worry. You’re still going to be my first…”

Kyungsoo smiled, holding his hand. “Yeah…I’m sorry about what I said about it not being a big deal.”

“Well, it’s not the end of the world or anything, so it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Hey…you know how I’ve lost my virginity and it was rather shitty. So yours should be special. And I mean it…honey bear.”

“You don’t have to call me that,” Baekhyun laughed.

“Babe?”

“If you want to…” he giggled. “Anyway. I need to go smash those piano keys today as nothing worked out with that asshole.”

Kyungsoo smiled, touching his pinkie finger with his own.

“I have an idea!” Baekhyun shouted.

“Oh, dear…could the neighbors do not hear it?”

“So, you know me and Jongdae will play at their wedding right?”

“Right…”

“Aaaand…that could be some good free publicity for our little band. We could specialize in playing at weddings. Get Chanyeol in our little group too, and bam, business, without having to screw old Juilliard professors.”

“That sounds…great?”

“Amazing. Be more excited. It could work, right?”

“Yeah…I mean, you need to promote yourselves…”

“Of course we do, but first I need to talk to Jongdae about it. He’s going to be so freaking thrilled.”

“Thrilled…” Kyungsoo mumbled. “Uhm…don't you think that a wedding band would be a little…anti-climactic?”

Baekhyun sighed, looking at his shoes. “I need the money and this is the only solution right now. Of course, it’s fucking lame, but it’s not like I can afford to pass on it, right?!”

“Babe…I know,” Kyungsoo said, bringing him to his chest. “I know…” he sighed. “I know…”

“So…please, support me as best friend and sort of boyfriend? I kind of need support right now.”

“Of course.”

But the conversation only managed to make him feel worse about his plan; he knew it wasn’t what he had envisioned for himself when he applied for that faculty, but being realistic had proved to be the better solution in the end. There was always time to fill his head with dreams and wishful thinking, but with less than a semester left and no viable solution for a career, singing at weddings seemed decent. Realistic. And of course, Kyungsoo, with his big dreams and high wages, wouldn’t agree with that.

At least he was glad that everything was better between them. Or that’s what he was hoping in the end.

Jongdae, his other almost moribund artist in search of a higher calling-but with a much bigger allowance, agreed to his plan. With Chanyeol, things were much more difficult, since he hadn’t seen him in years and honest to himself, he wasn’t certain whether or not he was over his crush. A small one, to be corrected.

But Chanyeol, to his relief, was in a relationship and engaged, so there was no fear in that. The idea of a full-time wedding band didn’t appeal to him, at first, but after a couple more serious talks with some bottles of beer and chips, Baekhyun found out he was also not that great on cash. Which made them 3 not quite professional weddings players with an almost useless university diploma in their drawers.

The wedding day was getting closer and closer. Jongin as well was requesting his expertise in every matter that required his choosing.

So Baekhyun was basically part of the wedding “buying expensive shit and booking even more expensive shit” committee, which he had never really agreed to. But he couldn’t say no to Irene, who was looking at him with those big eyes of hers, or to the fact that Jongin was treating him with rather expensive food and coffee. He couldn’t say no to a mean cappuccino, in fact.

Sometimes, Kyungsoo would trail along, when he wasn’t busy building something for his faculty classes. And that was making those shopping trips better to a certain extent until the frustration and guilt were washing over him. Especially his uncertainty in terms of where both of them were standing in that relationship.

“This is nice…” Jongin said, eating his ice-cream.

He had strawberry, Baekhyun chocolate, and Kyungsoo vanilla.

“I guess…” Baekhyun shrugged, looking at Kyungsoo.

It had been 2 and a half weeks since their talk and their flimsy resolution. After that, no more discussions about feelings, sexual matters or relationships. Baekhyun was certain that they were back at being best-friend that would flirt from time to time.

But that was it.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Jongin smiled. “To powder my nose,” he laughed.

Baekhyun smiled, looking down at the remains of his ice cream; sad, droopy brownish watery cream, gathering at the bottom of the white carton container. His plastic spoon fell right over the edge and then on the table.

“You good?”

“Just tired…this wedding is tiring me, honestly.”

“It’s like you are the groom, or the bride or something,” Kyungsoo laughed. “You would make a handsome groom,” he said, glancing at him.

Baekhyun laughed, playing with the spoon. “I wouldn’t. Anyways, I wouldn’t have anyone to marry.”

“Oh, come on. You make all heads turn. Girls or guys.”

“Sure,” he smiled. “With my sexy aura.”

“Baek…”

“And I’m back,” Jongin said. “So, do you think I should just buy a tie or a…what’s that thing called?”

“Bow tie?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Exactly!”

“I like bow ties better,” Baekhyun said.

“If my best man says a bow tie, then it’s a bow tie.”

“Best man?” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo asked.

“Oh, of course. After all, you did for me all this while, don’t you think you should be my best man, the man of honor, whatever?” Jongin asked.

“Oh…well, thanks but-“

“No buts,” Jongin said. “It’s set in stone. Sorry Kyungsoo, but really, Baek deserves the best.”

“Of course he does,” Kyungsoo smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Baekhyun smiled too, thinking that he should be bold and bury all his pride and fears and just go for it, and kiss Kyungsoo on the lips. He did lean it, closer to him and held his breath.

Kyungsoo licked his lips, but Baekhyun was certain he hadn’t yet noticed what he was trying to do. Until he looked at him, and the smile died on his lips. He didn’t have time to turn his head around, because Kyungsoo leaned in and kissed him on the lips. It was just a simple peck, but enough to send his heart racing.

He smiled again, like an utter fool he thought, and right in front of Jongin, who was staring at them with the biggest grin that he could muster.

“Should I leave you two to it?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Kyungsoo coughed, suddenly his arm leaving his side.

“It’s fine. Uhm…so a bow tie, huh?”

And after that, he wasn’t sure how to act around Kyungsoo; but from how fidgety and shaky he was turning whenever Baekhyun would be close to him, he thought they were both in the same boat. He couldn’t wait to be home.

But at home, he wasn’t sure how to stir the conversation in the right direction. He sat down on the couch and opened the TV. Then switched it off and back on.

“Baek…is it because if the kiss?”

“What…what kiss? What are you talking about?” he laughed.

Kyungsoo sighed, sitting down next to him.

“You know what kiss…did I take you by surprise or…?”

“Yes, of course, you did. I mean, for 2 weeks we haven’t done anything that would suggest…what I’m trying to say is why so out of the blue? I liked it but…it just took me by surprise, that’s all.”

“Sorry…I felt like kissing you at that moment. It felt right.”

Baekhyun smiled again. “Your lips were really soft.”

“I had lip balm on…”

“You did…” he whispered and looked at the other.

Kyungsoo cupped his face with both hands, bringing it closer to his own until their noses brushed one past another and their lips touched. He closed his eyes, dwelling into the warmth of the other’s skin all over his; the slight scent of artificial cherries that tasted sweet and fragrant.

His thumb was brushing against his cheek, gliding down towards his jaw and neck. Then, Kyungsoo pulled him even closer, until their chests were touching and Baekhyun turned suddenly afraid that the other could hear how fast his heart was beating. But as they sat like that, he realized that Kyungsoo’s was racing just as much as his own. His lips seemed even softer than before, plump and perfect over his own.

He smiled into the kiss, brushing his fingers-first, barely touching the hair strands, but then, when he heard Kyungsoo groan in the back of his throat, he did it with a lot more strength. Baekhyun touched his knee, digging his fingers a little into the flesh, squeezing it.

“I like it when you are so flushed…”

“You are too…” he laughed.

“Not as much as you are. And your lips…” Kyungsoo said, biting his own.

“What’s with them?”

He only leaned in, capturing his bottom lips between his, pulling it with a loud pop.

“Nothing…”

Baekhyun looked down and shifted even closer to the other, steadying himself by placing both hands on his shoulders, so that he could sit on his lap, with both legs on each side of Kyungsoo’s.

“Baek…I was stupid for not seeing what’s actually before my eyes sooner.”

“And what is it before your eyes, more exactly?”

“You…” he whispered, placing his hand on the small of his back. “You’re beautiful.”

“Stop with the lies to get in my pants. They don’t work, so don’t try.”

“I don’t want to get into your pants, not like this,” he smiled, brushing thumb across his jaw.

“Then how would you do it?”

“Baek…it’s not a game for me.”

“Is it not? Are you sure?”

“Why are you like this?” he laughed.

“I was joking. I was just joking. I know well enough to realize that you aren’t a jerkass. Do you mind if I smoke?”

“Smoke…it’s okay.”

“I didn’t need your approval, you know? I’ll go to a window anyway.”

“Baek,” Kyungsoo said and stood up, following the other into the kitchen.

He watched Baekhyun take a cigarette from the pack on the table, place it between his lips-those lips that he had just kissed, and lighted it before he reached the open window.

“So…why do you think Jongin makes me go everywhere with him? I was not friends with him before. You know my opinion of him.”

“Which I suppose has changed.”

“Maybe…” he shrugged. “I still don’t get why he needs my company.”

“Maybe because you are nice to have around. Just a guess.”

“Hey,” Baekhyun laughed. “So you are not jealous?”

“Why would I be? He is about to get married.”

“He still wants a threesome with me.”

“I think that’s just an inner joke at this point, Baek. He loves Irene too much to do that,” Kyungsoo said and stepped behind Baekhyun until his chest was pressed against his back.

He wrapped both arms around his middle, placing the side of his face on his shoulder blade.

“I like it like this…with you…” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Me too…I like it too.”  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i must be honest and say that i haven't been feeling that inspired lately...this ending feels rather underwhelming for me, but no matter how much i tried, i couldn't simply come up with anything better than this.  
> so i'm really sorry that i couldn't deliver anything better. 
> 
> anyway, thank you so so much for reading and commenting to my story; it means the world to me!

Baekhyun buttoned his shirt and glanced in the mirror. He thought he looked good. Heck, even hot. The door creaked and opened, Kyungsoo’s head peaking inside.

“You ready? Jongin is waiting outside and he’s almost shitting his pants,” he laughed.

“I might be shitting mine too.”

“Why?” he asked, stepping closer to him.

Baekhyun shrugged, staring at his violin. “Haven’t played it in a while…it’s right in front of a bunch of old and rich people…what if I fuck it?”

“You won’t fuck it, okay? Just look at me if you feel anxious, alright? I’ll grin like an idiot for you.”

“Would you do that for me?”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo laughed.

He leaned in and kissed him on the lips, pressing him to his chest. Baekhyun smiled while in the embrace. It felt perfect, so perfect that he never wanted to leave.

But he had to, as Jongdae started yelling from the hallway and knocking at the door until Kyungsoo let go of him, but not before he ruffled his hair.

The wedding was taking place in the garden of Jongin’s parents, 2 dozen white chairs placed around white tables with pink roses in the middle, in glass vases that sparkled in the light. It was quite nice, as the old, tall trees were sheltering them from the scorching heat coming from the sun; everything was covered in a cooling shadow, and his singing spot was right underneath the biggest of all the trees.

He breathed in, looking around one more time before he stepped on the grass, towards his place.

“Baek!” Jongin grinned and hugged him. “What do you think?”

“It’s nice, I love it.”

“I think it turned out well. Even Irene’s parents are impressed…which is kind of hard to do, trust me. So...” he whispered, placing both hands on his hips. “Will you managed it?”

“Of course…the first song is for the bridal dance and then we can sing whatever. Right?”

“Exactly. You can take a break from time to time, you know? I’ll keep a seat for you next to Kyungsoo if that’s fine.”

“Perfect,” he smiled.

“Oh, come on, boy!” Jongdae shouted, once again. “I’ll turn into a spider web.”

Baekhyun laughed, running towards him. Chanyeol was also there, dressed in a black suit with a baby pink shirt. His fiancé was somewhere in the crowd, but he didn’t bother to search for her. Instead, he looked back and smiled at Kyungsoo, who was waving at him.

“So…you two…are you all good?” Jongdae asked.

“Yeah, we are.”

“That’s nice. I could play at your wedding too.”

“Shut up,” he laughed.

Everything turned out alright, in the end. Nobody threw tomatoes at him for missing a note or sticking his tongue out; exactly the contrary, after all, as the bridal dance turned out to be a big success, as well as the rest of the night.

When the darkness had fallen over the yard, they lighted a bunch of fairy lights and red and orange lamps, placed on the branches of the trees.

Kyungsoo came to him, maybe a little drunk, but just enough to make him even more adorable in his eyes, and asked him for a dance.

“There are people around,” Baekhyun whispered.

“So…what?”

“What would they say?”

“That we make a really, really good couple?”

Baekhyun laughed and stood up from the chair, placing both arms around his neck, as well as most of his weight, while Kyungsoo started dragging him across the lawn, underneath one of the orange lights.

They both smiled, looking at one another, Baekhyun feeling his chest grow with a strange, fizzy bubbling that kept growing stronger and stronger. Kyungsoo leaned his forehead on the other's, humming to a song.

“We could stay like this forever…just you and me.”

“You are so sappy…” Baekhyun laughed. “I didn’t know you are this romantic.”

“Maybe I am,” he shrugged. “Come on,”

“Where are we going?”

Kyungsoo started running, still holding his hand, and Baekhyun saw himself needing to follow him, away from the spot filled with tables and chairs, to a cluster of young trees, somewhere at the edge of the yard. Beyond that, the woods were spreading across the hills, the moon shining white over the deep green foliage. Somewhere, some branches were cracking in the brush of wind and the dried leaves were crinkling under their footsteps.

They sat down on the grass, Kyungsoo leaning on the bark of one tree as they both looked up at the sky. From that place, the stars could be seen.

“I don’t really know the constellations,” Baekhyun said, glancing at the other.

“Me neither, don’t worry. I think though…that right there is a part of Ursa Major. That’s all.”

“And those three stars are Orion.”

“Well, we aren’t that shitty after all,” Kyungsoo smiled, kissing his cheek afterward.

“Maybe just on our own…”

“Are you happy?”

“I am happy now, with you…” he said, brushing his nose along the other’s jaw. “I hope you didn’t bring me here for some very rustic sex, because having grass in my ass is not my kink, honestly.”

Kyungsoo grinned, pushing him down on the ground, drawing a squeal from Baekhyun; he started kicking with both feet, but the other pinned them down, underneath his body, as he grabbed his wrists and placed his arms above his head.

“Maybe…” he whispered.

“Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun laughed.

“I won’t, don’t worry. I just needed to see your reaction.”

“Asshole.”

Somebody yelled in the distance, his name, he thought, and the noise began to grow in intensity, closer and closer, until Baekhyun was certain it was Irene’s voice.

“Damn it. Let’s go.”

“We could hide…” Kyungsoo said.

“No, come on, let’s go. I really want to eat some cake.”

“We could eat after.”

“Noooo…now, pretty please, babe.”

“Fiiiine,” Kyungsoo laughed and helped him stand up.

They both looked at one another before they held hands. Baekhyun looked down at them, at their fingers, feeling the warmth travel up his arm and smiled.

Life seemed good, even too good at that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are well loved:)


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